On time, and how to spend it

I've had a very busy week so far, and it's only Wednesday. This is really good news -- as a freelancer, you want to have too much work. I'm writing an article, transcribing, and also helping test a search engine.

Today I got up a little after seven, talked to my kitty, put on my gym clothes, had a snack. I said the rosary as I walked to the gym. I've been saying the rosary every day this month, because I'm all about Mary, because I want to really have a daily spiritual practice, and because, underneath it all, I'm fucking scared about my ability to support myself doing the work I know I'm good at. And in terms of actions speaking louder than words over the last few years I've been broke and alone, and it makes it hard to really believe in oneself when one has nothing and has gotten nothing, despite everything.

I'm tired.

On the way back from the gym I looked up, and saw the sky was super-blue. It's a gorgeous day out and I didn't even notice it. I just feel like this whirring tin thing, head down, not noticing what is happening around me or where my life is going. I wish it were easier. I wish people didn't feel the need to give me bad advice when they have no concept of struggle.

Ooo, and I wish 50 million dollars would rain from the sky on me, followed shortly by my husband, whose fall would be cushioned by all that sweet, sweet cash.