Must Love Dogs

There's a new Diane Lane/John Cusack flick in previews -- and the title of the movie refers to the title of an online personal ad. It seems to be on tv a lot lately. Or at least on in between the shows I'm watching. Which means they're hitting their target segment, I suppose, since I have an online personal ad.

Actually, I have four online personal ads. I'm kind of an overachiever. I'm on Match, although I'm going to drop that one mid-month, E-Harmony, where I am considering leaving because they won't let gay people find love (and besides, they matched me up with a toe sucker. no joke. "I like feet. Pretty white feet. Oh, and Southern Belles."), MySpace, where I've actually been getting some cool friend e-mails from women, and Salon, which I think are the same personals that are on Nerve.

My headlines run the gamut from "Readin/writin/runnin" to "Thpbblt." But after seeing the preview for Must Love Dogs multiple times I came up with a couple of new headlines:

Must Love Elderly Polish Women -- my Babcia (that's Polish for grandma) is 89 and I love her a lot. Even when she takes off all her clothes save her underpants and dances around her living room in front of me while saying "Tee hee hee! Take a picture of me and we'll use it to make a Christmas card for your father." Also, I hope to be an Elderly Polish Woman one day myself. Well, make that an Elderly Polish And Irish Woman.

Must Not Be A Chicken Fucker -- this is what my last boyfriend was. Did he literally like to fucka the chickens? Probably not. But he was a Chicken Fucker all the same and I would like to avoid all Chicken Fuckers in the future, be they literal or figurative.

Perhaps I will try these new titles out on the personal ads and see what I reel in.