Get over yoself

So my Mom will be 60 this year; we're celebrating her birthday tomorrow. As I was taking the quiches I made for her out of the oven, a Judy Collins song came on Sheena. I bought the Judy Collins song because it reminded me of being small, really small, like six, when PolackPappy just wasn't able to to handle himself, let alone an entire family. McMumsy had to take care of all of us, on a schoolteacher's salary.

She's a survivor.

So Judy Collins was playing and I just started crying, like edge of bawling crying, although I managed to hold it back to more of a subdued sniffle.

I write this with the caveat that I have friends, close friends, who have lost parents way before their time, and with gratitude that McMumsy is around to do the thing that is freaking me out right now which is grow old and die. It's like I always knew this was coming but 60, man, 60 is something.

And despite our tumultuous relationship, I need my mother, need need her, and I don't know what people do when their mothers are gone.

OK also yes this is something that happens to everyone and I'm not the first and I won't be the last.

I just needed to share.