Lonely

Just finished watching The Station Agent, which I took out of the library; I highly recommend it. I identified with it, fairly strongly. As your better movies do, it got me to thinking, mainly on the nature of adult relationships, and I consider myself, at 32, a rather newly-minted adult.

I don't care to go to bars, or parties where I only know one or two people. I don't like to stay out late. And, for whatever reason, I don't date a lot. I don't think I'm ugly. I actually think I'm pretty attractive, and interesting. But I'm a touch odd. And fairly open emotionally, which I think weirds people out, and also with a tendency at times to need to be alone in my apartment, or just in my head. As much as I love social situations and hanging out with people, I find myself really relishing time to just be by myself. Today I had an opportunity to go with Potential Suitor and a bunch of his friends and some other people from where I'm working right now to go and see a movie. Problem is, it's a movie I didn't want to see. And I still can't decide if I like like Potential Suitor. Which probably means I don't.

Anyway. I still felt like it would be a depressing weekend if I didn't get out and do something with someone, so I called MC, the cool chick from down the hall at work who went to Louis Boston with me. We went downtown and spent several hours Christmas shopping, which was just about enough hangout time for me. I just get tired of being social after awhile. When I was visiting Dr. Moo last weekend, we spent much of our long walks, and one of our dinners out not talking, and she said to me that she wanted to find a man she could do that with and be comfortable -- just not talk in long stretches. That's definitely a husband material necessity for the McPolack women.

I don't really know where I'm going with this post, which I suppose is the beauty of the blog -- one doesn't really need a point. But if I were to have a point I guess it would be that I think I might be kind of a loner but at the same time when I do connect with people I want to really connect with them. I want to have the sort of relationships with people that make for interesting stories and feel satisfying, because I want to have an interesting and satisfying life.

Also I'm grateful that all my friends who have families of their own let me come and be loved as a part of theirs, because sometimes I really need that.