Thursday, January 05, 2006

Great confidence is not instilled...

...when the dentist's assistant,who looks (and acts! and sounds!) like one of Marge Simpson's sisters, only more tank-like in body shape, starts bitching about how early she has to come in the next morning whilst the dentist is wielding one of those sharp and pointy things that they seem to have in every size and shape. After talking things over with the dentist, we decided that one of the fillings could wait until next time, but the other (sorry, tank-shaped Patty/Selma Bouvier-o-bot) I wanted taken care of today.

Whilst t-sP/SB-obot barked at me in her gruff and scary voice "Are you all right?", in essence ordering me to be all right or face dire consequences, the dentist stabbed the corner of my mouth repeatedly with the sharpest and pointiest of his sharp and pointy tools, that damn needle. He hit the jackpot finally, sticking some nerve in my mouth that brought on near-instantaneous numbness, but not before I had the weirdest mind/body experience where I simultaneously felt and could see before me little fractures of electricity shooting out through the left side of my mouth and through the inside of my chin.

"Arrrrr." (the Bouvier monster said in my mind) "That means he hit it perfectly" (the Bouvier monster said out loud) when I commented on the jolt I felt. Then she smiled coyly at the dentist. She's apparently been dating some other guy in the office for 7 years and he likes to go out for drinks with the group of guys from the office who go out for drinks. Which is what she said to the dentist over my head while I worried the address lable on a chick mag.

I get the feeling that my dentist is relatively new, partly because he's young, and he's got a bit of an accent (he's Asian) and is very thorough. So I wonder if she was trying to intimidate him. Just who could she sleeping with?

My guess is it's the guy that sharpens all the sharp-and-pointy things.

Oh, also the P/T-bot sucked at sucking. She kept kind of randomly poking the suction tube around in my mouth, totally missing an uncomfortable phlegm globber (I know, I know. Eeyew!) stuck in the back of my throat, and at one point she whacked my teeth with that gun-like thing they use to set fillings.

But the night ended well, with the dentist flirting with me and handing me a free magnet that said "You should love your dentist."

Well, okay. But I'm NOT going to love your assistant.


Blogger Contagious said...

I hear ya sister! you and I are in dentist purgatory right now!

9:32 AM, January 06, 2006


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