Happy New Yeah!

Due to snow and lingering illness I skipped a planned drive to Albany and am staying home for the night. I headed out to the post office to send out some bills because it just feels right to pay them before tomorrow and saw there wasn't a big line inside. So I went in to buy some stamps.

I'm not sure if it's temporary help but the usual folks weren't there. I got a cheery weirdo who looked to be in his fifties. He pawned some crap-ass leftover holiday stamps on me which I took because, well, the economy's bad and I'd hate to see the USPS go under because I don't like nutcrackers.

So let's call him George and his coworker at the next window Martha. No, Mah-ther, since this is Massachusetts. Here's what transpired after I bought the stamps:

GEORGE: So Mah-ther, I've got anotha bird story for ya.

MAH-THER: Oh yeah?

GEORGE: Yeah. So I come home the otha day and I'm gettin ready to take my motha (ed. note: I guarantee you he lives with his motha) ovah to my brotha's house and I look unda that bush, you know that bush? And I sees a pigeon cahcass. Not a whole pigeon, mind you, just the ribcage and such. I thought it was that blasted black cat again.

MAH-THER: Uh-huh.

GEORGE: So then I look up and I see this HUGE hawk. He's like this big!
{George spreads his hands about a foot-and-a-half-apart}. And I says, Jaysus! Ma, don't come out heyah!

MCPOLACK: Yeah, the bird might have ate your mom!

MAH-THER: His mum's 95 yeahs old!

GEORGE: Yeah, she's old. So I seen this bird with anotha hawk, too, they sit on the highest point, you know? The highest point. And they watch. One day I saw 'em take a pigeon-bang!-right out of the ayuh. Then anotha day that same hawk was eaten a bluejay.

MCPOLACK: Well at least it wasn't a cardinal.

GEORGE: Yeah but bluejays ah really beautiful. And he was just {making a pluck-fling, pluck-fling gesture with his hands} ripping its feathers out and tossing them to the ground, one after anotha. And then...

MAH-THER: George.

GEORGE: Yeah?

MAH-THER: I don't think you want to tell ha that story. She's got that sweet look about ha. {Mah-ther smiles at McPolack and McPolack smiles back.}

MCPOLACK: Yes please don't tell me that story.

GEORGE: All right. Well Happy New Yeah.

MAH-THER: Happy New Yeah.

MCPOLACK: Happy New Year!

finis