Thursday, November 03, 2005

Salad Days

Dr. Moo has been hit on by a cute vegetarian-friendly farmer and she is not going to do anything about it.

In fact, when pressed, she gets really pissed and calls the presser "desperate" and the farmer a "weirdo."

Here's the scoop: Last week, Dr. Moo got a letter in the mail. It was from a guy named Pete. Pete grew up in VT, went to Middlebury, and runs his own organic gardening business called Pete's Greens. He supplies veggies for some fancy restaurants and for the locals. He's 33 and cute. Although he might be a shortie.

His note was short and sweet -- he introduced himself, asked Dr. Moo if she'd like to go on a date some time. He included his own article, written about him by the same newspaper that wrote about Dr. Moo, a couple of years before. The letter seemed, to me, to be very sincere. And Pete is cute.

And g-damned Dr. Moo is just not going to bother to write back to him at all. She insists that what this man has done is freakish and also she's worried he's short like a dwarf. Oh, and I forgot the best excuse of all: That he's not manly enough for her because he grows salad! She considers her job digging around in cows all day to be very masculine and so apparently she needs a guy who eats nails and shits bricks to balance her out.

Aiyeeeeeeeee! Oh, Dr. Moo, for the love of all things holy, you are a vegetarian and this guy grows vegetables for a living. And he has a farm and you've always wanted a farm so you can have your own team of oxen.

Meet him for coffee, woman!!!

I would like to open this up for debate amongst my readership: Should Dr. Moo write to Mr. Saladpants? Or is Mr. Saladpants a freak?

I eagerly await your responses.

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10 Comments:

Anonymous bitter joe said...

you might want to double-check on that whole lesbian thing. maybe you could give her that book your mom got you?

6:59 AM, November 04, 2005

 
Blogger Contagious said...

Joe - Ha! funny....I will personally drive to VT with you and kick her ass if she doesn't at least meet him for coffee...and as far as the masculine thing - I would think that because what she does is considereed more masculine, that she would want a more sensitive man to come home to. Yes?

9:06 AM, November 04, 2005

 
Blogger Regina said...

Let me preface my comment by saying that I'm very cynical after much online dating:

If he took it upon himself to write her a letter, based soley upon an article he read about her in the paper, that's a little odd. Probably has a raging case of SPS (interchangeable for short person syndrome, or small penis symdrome).

If it were me, I'd meet him for coffee. It never hurts to date outside of your comfort zone. Maybe he has a taller brother or neighbor or farmhand... If not, she'll probably have a funny story. Experiences like this can help her recognize (and later appreciate all the more) a Mr. Right.

That's my story anyway...

9:22 AM, November 04, 2005

 
Blogger Melissa said...

No coffee, drinks. That way if he's a total stinkaroo she can drink only a little and then say, "Ah, no more, I'm driving. It was lovely, ciao."

haha - my word verification is oopeee... I hear a flush in my future.

12:31 AM, November 05, 2005

 
Blogger Teri said...

Yes, I say definitely meet the guy. A girl is really selling herself short (ha!) if she discounts all vertically challenged guys. Mr. Saladpants sounds harmless enough. If Dr. Moo feels unsure, perhaps she could cross the river and do a little undercover investigating. You know: sunglasses,wig, farm tour.

11:38 PM, November 05, 2005

 
Blogger Amy said...

There aren't a lot of good ways for lettuce famers in Vermont to get out there and meet the ladies. I think a letter is very sweet, and she should meet him for coffee.

11:05 PM, November 07, 2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, McPolack, you're crazy to write Mr. Saladpants' name on your blog. This is really easy to find, and could easily come back to haunt both you and your talented sis. fyi.

1:26 PM, November 14, 2005

 
Anonymous shortysaladpants said...

Dwarfish salad farmer's last desperate attempt to get a date with Dr. Moo, or her sister, hell anybody.(Except commentator Regina who is convinced that I have a small penis because I wrote a letter to Dr.Moo, but who would still go to coffee because I would better help her recognize Mr. Right when he comes along. She sounds like a nutjob.
Anyway, an alert high school aged friend of mine who clearly has too much time on her hands (I think that goes for all you bloggers) recently discovered my brief moment of stardom in McPolack's blog a couple months back. I've gotta admit I was a little dissapointed that Dr. Moo didn't have enough balls to respond to my nice letter. I mean, what does she have to lose?
For everybody's info I am a towering 5 ft. 9 in., but I am a bit on the effeminate side, some would even say light in my loafers. I spend my days walking around the farm singing to my greens and trying to avoid getting dirty.
Dr. Moo, I have 80 acres of pasture just sitting here patiently waiting for your oxen. We probably aren't compatible though because I'm a raging carnivore and find vegetarians to be annoying. How can you work with animals all day and not eat them?
So, McPolack, enjoy your writing. You're a funny lady. shortysaladpants

8:49 AM, January 28, 2006

 
Blogger Amy said...

Ok, that's such a good reply that if I wasn't married, I'd be vying for a coffee date with this guy. Please remind your sister that cute, witty, unmarried guys with interesting jobs aren't exactly swarming the hills of Vermont, 'k?

10:43 PM, January 30, 2006

 
Blogger Cuarentayuno said...

I second Amy on this one. Men like Shortysaladpants do not grow on trees. Either Dr. Moo goes out with this man, or McPolack dates him, but he must become a relation. If he really is light on the loafers, though, I would like to try out for the finals.

3:47 PM, January 31, 2006

 

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