Parallel Universe

One of the great embarrassments of the McPolack family is that not one, not two, but all three siblings flunked their driving exams the first time out. My brother and I flunked the written, whilst Dr. Moo's driving skills were to blame.

My second appearance at the DMV resulted in a license, but not before I was brought nearly to tears by my angry test administrator, who was pissed at my inability to parallel park. "Just forget it!" he barked. I was sure I was going to be hanging my head in shame for the second time, but low and behold I was given a license. "Ah, you'll always live in the woods and won't need to parallel park," I was told whenever I mentioned my worry.

If only they'd told me "That is, until you are in your early thirties."

Last night was my comeuppance. I was going to visit my German friend, to eat salad and watch Desperate Housewives. She lives on a very busy street in Somerville and there is only parallel parking. I thought I'd be safe and there'd be plenty of places to park since it was Sunday and you don't need a sticker. That didn't turn out to be true. But still I found a spot that looked totally doable and I pulled my car up so I was in line with the car in front of the space's mirror.

And proceeded to spend what felt like the next century twisting my car this way and that while some fucker in a SUV waited in a handicapped space, watching me. I did some crazy mumbling (somewhere along the lines of "Brarrrrgrrumpleffffffuckerarrrrrrrrrrrrryargrr) and sat with the butt of my car in the street, again for what seemed like a century, until the SUV pulled into another smaller spot across the street, of course parallel parking effortlessly.

I got out of my car and waited for the SUV driver to get out because I was pissed at him for staring at me and also totally embarrassed and discombobulated. It was a British dude, and I stammered something at him about what a terrible parker I am and he said something along the lines of "Oh, it's easy" and then kind of quickly moved away from the crazy person (me).

I ended up going upstairs and handing the keys to my German friend, who went downstairs and straightened my car out while I sat on the sofa and took some deep breaths.