Dealbreakers

As I was walking the windy streets of Somerville and Cambridge today on my way to the gym I began thinking about my own personal list of dealbreakers, those things that would make me run screaming in another direction should they appear in a potential suitor.

We'll get the obvious out of the way first: No abusers, no unrecovered addicts, no smokers (sorry, boys, but I can't be around the cigs), no morbidly obese fellows and nobody too old (39 and up) or too young (under 27). No adulterers. Also (of course) no bigots or homophobes. Oh, and no axe murders. Definitely none of those.

And now for the good stuff:

1. No wearers of sunglasses on cloudy days
2. No serial-killer glasses
3. No Transitions lenses. Ugh!
4. No boat shoes without socks
5. No boat shoes with socks
6. No white sneakers
7. No high top sneakers of any kind except Converse
8. The debate is still out on the Air Jesus'
9. No moustaches
10. No soul patches
11. No mutton chops
12. No comb-overs
13. No hair plugs
14. No purposely ill-fitting pants
15. No Iroc-Z drivers
16. No minivan drivers (because they are probably married)
17. No Hummer drivers
18. No Bush supporters
19. No NASCAR lovers
20. No Joey Buttafuoco-pants wearers
21. No pleated pants wearers
22. No pleated shorts wearers
23. No lycra shorts wearers except for hot, hot bicycle riders
24. No assless chaps wearers aaaaaaaaaaand, finally,
25. No nose pickers who eat their findings. Note that nose picking alone will not disqualify you! I'm not that picky.