Doppelganger

So of course the very FIRST thing I do upon receiving my alumni newsmagazine is to flip to my class and see which of my ex-boyfriends have gotten married. I had a sneaking suspicion that this was going to be the issue where I discovered that "bug boy," the philosophy club president who was the first boy I kissed, had tied the knot. He was so named because when we broke up I broke out -- in an itchy rash that may have been caused by scabies. That's right, body lice.

Well, lo and behold, the louse-infested lothario with the silver tongue has gotten hitched. First let me say: Bastard! Because as we ALL know, ALL ex-es move to the island of old boyfriends (which is nothing like the Island of Misfit Toys and everything like Mordor) where they grow large beer guts and watch ESPN and moon over their ladies immediately upon breakup.

Well naturally I went and Googled the woman he married. And she LOOKS LIKE ME!!! I mean, it's not an exact match, and she's chunkier, ha-HAH!, but she looks kind of similiar.

Hmmph.