Choices

I was talking with McMumsy last night and sharing how I'm worried about one of our relatives -- one with issues similar to mine -- and from what I saw of this relative's recent behavior, this person has not overcome those issues. I was debating whether I should say something and whether saying something would do any good. I mean, you change when you're ready to change, right? It was that way for me. You have to find your own bottom.

Anyway. On the topic of not wanting someone else to make the same mistakes you had, my mother mentioned a friend of hers from church, a friend who'd talked to me about career options back when I was on a search for one. This friend married the wrong man and had children with him, and while she does not regret the children, she does deeply regret her choice of father for them. When my mother mentioned I am on the cusp of my 33rd birthday, she worriedly told my mother that that was the age she was when she started to really freak out about being childless and alone. Much as I am childless and alone.

I assured my mother that I had no intention of getting pregnant, although I did let her know that I took my last bc pill last week. I just don't see the point of taking them. I'm not having sex and they cost 60 bucks a month. And honestly, I feel like from here on out it's going to be up to the man to deal with birth control. I know this is rant-y, but, goddamnit, when are they going to invent some sort of a pill to stop the effectiveness of sperm? I don't know. I've been getting all man-hatey lately. Just lots of rowr! feelings about that whole gender. It worries me that there may be more assholes out there than decent ones. It pisses me off that they're fucking over the entire planet with their killing and their raping and their penis-swinging and their war-mongering.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand breathe out. I think I'm going to go meditate now.