Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So I had a phone call and a run to get in before 5 today and I got home at 3:30 which meant I had to run fast and then wait on the shower. Which left me sitting in my unheated apartment in my sweaty clothes, which lowered my core body temperature, and now I am cold cold cold and wearing a hat and a scarf.

Also I have turned on the heat.

The phone call was a tough one. I interviewed last week for a part-time (10 hour) position doing some office work and outreach for friends of a friend. But I am nervous about my ability to give them the commitment they need, because what if the freelancing doesn't work out and I need to go to work full-time? Or what if a project comes up and I can't honor the commitment? Ugh, ugh, ugh. They really want me to come work with them and I felt like such an asshole saying no. And now I am wondering if I should have said yes.

It's just so hard to know. I wish someone would give me a crystal ball I could look into and see, yes, McPolack, here is your next project, and the next one after that, and everything will fall into place. I wish I could trust more that things will be OK.

I wish I had a big fat trust fund.

But barring that I navigate my way through the world of work with my little candle, lighting the space in front of me and a bit of the space behind me, trying not to trip or skin my knees.