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Fruit or Breast was fantastic! I felt more Kelly Ripa, which is how I think of myself, than Ed McMahon, which is what Dr. Moo keeps calling me. The former cohost came with her adorable doggie and a friend and Carmen showed up with a friend as well. So there was a studio audience! And I know for sure that L, her sister, and her brother-in-law were watching at home and enjoyed the program. I was, well, my usual self, which is of course the only way for anyone to be if they want to have true success in this world.

I had a preshow wardrobe malfunction. As I was walking to the studio, after parking thisclose to some asshole's Lexus that was trying to take up two spaces but was no match for my bitchin' Honda Civic, I noticed a guy on a cell phone really ogling me. "I must look extra cute tonight," I thought to myself. Turns out the zipper on my sundress was broken, exposing my back right on down to the top of my underpants. Which, thank goodness, were one of my more decent pairs, worn for extra confidence.