Nose hair goo

Of the three farmers markets I visit on a semi-weekly basis, the one at Hahvahd has the best mustache. Conveniently it resides on a fellow selling baked goods, and I am a sucker for baked goods. I am not normally a sucker for mustaches, and have turned down McMumsy's offer to set me up with a weirdo from her church who sports an unironic walrus-y one.

But this mustache is very Daliesque and holds its shape even on the hottest of days, even when it's 100 degrees out.

Early in the season I asked the person attached to the mustache if he was worried about the mustache melting. He said he was, a little. I told him maybe he should think about putting some wire in there, painted black, to hold it up.

I decided today to create a new mustache wax called Dali-curl. It will be like Jheri-curl only instead of relaxing hair it will tense it up. Also instead of being for the hair on the top of your head it will be for the hair on the front of your head, specifically the part under your nose but above your upper lip. It won't be tested on animals but it will be tested on men like the weirdo my mom tried to fix me up with.