A Chardonnay of Errors

So I wrote this last week and didn't post it and now I know why...because I have no time to write anything today. Enjoy!

What happens when an alcoholic tries to deal with a recipe that calls for dry white wine? Well, I'll tell you: She heads out to the grocery store after digging around for her driver's license. On her way to the store she realizes the local farmer's market is opened so she stops to buy some tomatoes and zucchini from a hot farmer and decides, to heck with the grocery store, I'm going to the liquor store.

Said alcoholic arrives at the liquor store and realizes that as it will be, in less than one month, a full decade since she last took a drink, and she was no connoisseur then, that she has no idea what dry white wine even is. So she asks the clerk, explaining that it is for cooking and she can't even taste it and she's knows it's weird, hahaha, then realizes she's babbling and goes and buys a bottle on sale for 8.99 because she remembers skinny Giada from FoodTV says you should cook with good wine and 8.99 seems good enough.

She gets the wine home and realizes the only bottle opener she has is this wire thingy with two flat pieces that you shove between the sides of the cork and the glass bottle. After much wrestling, the cork plops into the wine bottle itself.

Hmm, not good, thinks the alcoholic. She had been hoping to offer some wine to go with the dinner she is making for L on Friday night but thinks it's probably not right for drinking. It is, however, she determines, thrifty peasant girl that she is, just fine for cooking, and so she dumps it into the plastic Rubbermaid container she uses for her water at the gym, does her best to fish out the pieces of cork, and sticks it in the fridge, where it sits on the top shelf between a bottle of soymilk and a carton of lemonade, trying desperately not to look like a urine sample from someone who drank eight Big Gulps in a row but, alas, failing miserably.