Don't Touch That Belly

Spent much of the weekend (save for an hourlong run through the backroads of Dublin, NH late on Sunday afternoon) in Rotterdam, or as I like to call it, Rotter-Damn! NY, visiting my pal and former yankme coworker JoyceFrances. OSB, who is pregnanter by the minute, was the driver for the trip, and I enjoyed seeing the sights from the passenger seat of her posh Audi. I also enjoyed the fine culinary stylings of JoyceFrances, who is not only a tough hot mamma but also a gourmet chef. She made me ravioli! I love her.

OSB loves JoyceFrances as well. But not enough to allow her unlimited -- or even limited -- access to her big preggo belly. While OSB was sitting down at dinner, JoyceFrances went in for the kill. She was pressing and rubbing all over OSB's tummy, trying to figure out where the baby's head was. OSB quietly said that the placenta was in the front of her belly and so you couldn't really feel the baby. And OSB also made a face. A face that is exclusive to OSB. JoyceFrances noticed it and said "Oh, no, OSB, don't tell me you don't want me touching your belly. Come on!"

Now I know full well of OSB's reticence to physicalness. Christmas rolled around about 5 months into my yankme career. OSB got me a small gift. I gave OSB a hug. She looked really freaked out. I realized she is like how my mom was for many, many years: a no touchy-touchy person. I remember trying to give my mom a hug while she was resting on the sofa one day. She shrieked and told me to go away. While OSB didn't shriek, I didn't try to hug her again for a good long while.

OSB took a fair amount of time to get close to, but it was worth the wait. She's a good friend now, and I get a hug from her unsolicited each time we say hello and goodbye. But I know better than to touch the belly. Nobody touches the belly.

At least until JoyceFrances came along. She broke the ice. We spent the rest of the weekend trying to steal furtive gentle pokes at her tummy, but she was always on the ready, sliding her hand calmly over just the spot we were trying to touch like some strange lady buddha. I even offered to let OSB rub my belly in return for a rub of hers, but she was having none of it. I suppose I'll have to wait until I'm pregnant myself before I can get a really good poke at a pregnant belly.