Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Bring back the bush!

My friend bitterjoe sent me a delightful post about a woman's woes with her pubic hair and I just had to tell a tale of my own.

They say that blondes are the hairiest of them all and I am hear to tell you that they are right. I refer to the hair that has been creeping down the insides of my thighs as the Amazonian rainforest and to my attempts at removing it deforestation.

Deforestation is a painful process and has adverse effects on the Amazon. But more on that later.

I do not know at what point I began to have So Much Hair; it was more how one might discover one has a drinking problem: one day, there is just an excess, and it's not good. I swear that my follicles send out scout hairs to search for new territory further down the insides of my thighs because every so often I'll see a lone one, two or three inches from the rest. I always yank it out immediately and let it be a lesson to the other hairs.

I have tried Nair to remove the hair and gotten a painful rash. I waxed my inner thighs myself at home for quite some time, but it was so painful I had to put a towel in my mouth to bite down on and it left my inner thighs bruised and bleeding. Shaving always results in an itchy rash (though I haven't tried the rubbing alcohol Contagious mentioned, I did try calendula lotion which did nothing). I don't have the money for laser removal and if I get cancer all my hair falls out plus I might die so I'm really at the end of my rope here.

I did recently start shaving it again as there is both Potential Suitor (who when I mentioned my hair woes today said he was cool with unshaven inner thighs, yay!) and Another Guy, someone Contagious wants to set me up with, and I thought it was time to, well, clear out the underbrush from my lady bits in preparation for a potential visitor from the outside. And I got that icky rash again.

Soooooooooo. I send out my call to the universe to bring back the bush! No, not George Bush. Just the full-on seventies porn bush. Because my inner thighs can't take much more abuse.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe what you're referring to is called a "disco bush."

If you shave use the miracle stuff called Tend Skin. It's great for preventing razor bumps/ingrown hairs. If you're on a budget, you can make it yourself: mix a fresh batch every time.

3 drops glycerin (available at any drugstore)
1/4 cup water
2 aspirin

1. Mix ingredients in a bowl until aspirin dissolves.
2. Apply to shaved areas prone to razor burn with a cotton ball, and let it sink into your skin.

TMI? Good luck!

7:12 PM, November 22, 2005

Anonymous bitter joe said...

yes, i knew when i read that post that you would love it.

i recall one day at lunch when you let everyone at the table know it was "a jungle down there"...

8:09 PM, November 22, 2005

Blogger Cuarentayuno said...

The seventies are here, foxy lady.
Now do the hustle.

12:06 AM, November 23, 2005

Blogger Teri said...

OMG...I so hear you. I pretty much ruled out any man who wasn't cool with disco bush. That said, sometimes a bikini wax is nice. (Not the actual wax, but the results!) Just have to find a good waxer.

Oddly enough, I happen to know one in your neck of the woods. Ask me if you're interested! :)

12:36 AM, November 23, 2005

Blogger Amy said...

I have one good piece of news for you: things tend to thin out as you get older. I learned this when I went to get my eyebrows waxed a couple of years ago. "You aren't taking off as much as you used to," I said, and the waxer said, "Yes, well, as women age, the hair lightens, so I don't want to take too much off you." So I said, "Well, my social security doesn't pay enough for a tip." Not really, but I wanted to.

3:30 AM, November 23, 2005

Blogger McPolack said...

I'm glad to see this is a hot-button issue. Anon, thanks for the recipe and suggestion. Teri, I would love to know the name of your waxer. And amy, WTF? You so do not look old! Were you getting waxed by a 12 year old? Good lord. And bitter joe, thanks again for the email. Oh, and cuar., I will see you tonight at 6:30 for sushi!

7:46 AM, November 23, 2005

Blogger Regina said...

Finally the secret behind why blondes have more fun is revealed -disco bush!

10:47 AM, November 23, 2005

Blogger Teri said...

It's Robin at Spruce Skin and Body Shop in Deerfield. She is one of my bestest friends!

8:17 AM, November 25, 2005


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