Man Things

Called home tonight and talked to Polackpappy. He had just returned from delivering poor Tess, Dr. Moo's hound, back to Dr. Moo after Tess had a 25 hundred dollar surgery. "I would've shot her," he said. Polackpappy's answer to many animal aches and pains is much like that of the Far Side Cartoon of the horse hospital, where the doctor has a checklist of ailments and recommended treatments, and for every ailment the treatment is a bullet to the head.

Anyhoo, Pp spent some time with Dr. Moo while she was on the job. "She was dehorning, and it was really gory!" Pp crowed, proudly. "There was blood and arterial spurt everywhere."

As Pp does not get along so well with his only son, he chooses instead to cultivate the manly sides of my sister and I. When I am home and feeling gassy, I tap Pp on the shoulder, lean in close, and belch as loud as I can (and I can really belch) in his ear. He loves it. When my sister was small, he called us all into the bathroom to look at the giant dump she'd taken, while she stood next to the bowl, beaming. He's proud of the fact that Dr. Moo can manhandle 1500 pound cows and of my ginormous man-calves. He's taken me fishing and took special pleasure in the fact that I ripped the innards out of a ten-pound cod with my bare hands.

And I love him for it.